some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
