you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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