New invention idea: vibrating tampons
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize