this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
