apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
