I feel great
I just peed on a car
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
