Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
