i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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