that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
