Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Randomize
