God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Less talking, more tequila
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
