he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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