the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
