Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
