So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
