She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
