I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
