they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
