It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
