I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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