one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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