Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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