I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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