Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
you had me at cake vodka
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
