I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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