batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
