Apparently you make a good broom.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
