Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize