just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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