I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
