So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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