dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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