I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize