My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Found your dick twin last night
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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