i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
