the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I want her autograph on my taint
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
