Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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