Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
