You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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