i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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