What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
