I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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