Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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