Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
