"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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