Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
