When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
