My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
