I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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