i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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