so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
