Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
