The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
