Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
