so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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