We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
