he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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