i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize