I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
