so explain again why im purple
no
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
