If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Randomize
