Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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