i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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