I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
