Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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