Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
