every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
