We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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