I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i think i have herpe
just one?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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