Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Randomize