I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
