dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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