Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
