i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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