You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
