I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
