I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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