Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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