the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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