Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
