morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
