If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
