I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
