so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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