birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
