if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
