What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
