Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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