So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
