fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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