You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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