Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
