I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
