Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
