i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
The Olympian is in my bed
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
