If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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