please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
