dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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