420 ftw
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
